the ...joys? of teaching

So being a music teacher has its moments. Some moments are hilarious, such as the time I had grade 2s watching a street performance clip, and they came to the assumption that the main dancer was a criminal, and had just settled on this, when one savvy grade 2 boy reminded them that criminals couldn't perform in public like that and it would be much more likely to be someone who just happens to look like a criminal. The rest of the grade two's considered this, then agreed and then gave examples of people they knew who might also look like criminals. Some moments are the reasons you teach. That light bulb moment when something clicks, or there is a real sense of joy in the kids. Like when you're teaching a new song that might have a tricky rhythm or tune and they get it, so you give them massive praise and they just glow. Or your older kids get that buzzing is how trumpets make noise but you use reeds with woodwind. Or when you're teaching your oldest kids in high school Pirates of Penzance and you've been going over the background and history and they get the humour in the 100 year old jokes because they understand the reason it's there. Then there are times you can look at the students and they resemble alien creatures who need a whole different sort of communication technique and don't even remotely make sense at times. This is my feelings on my year sevens. Oh, there are a few who seem to understand there is life outside of the year 7 bubble but my word, I don't even want to guess what the others are thinking, or which planet they come from. Running with the alien/space analogy, I'll describe the groups of year 7's. 1- From the planet Meworld, where their world is made of of 'me'. Pretty sure that planet has mirrors for roadways, lipgloss for rivers, instead of coke dispensers, they'd have hair accessories, gel, and spring water, and the ability to text by thought. You ask them a question and they'll look at you blankly and then fix their hair, like that is what's going to help give them the answer. Or maybe they think I'll be distracted by their amazing hair and forget I asked them something. Is doesn't work.. 2 - Planet Space. Now, I know planets are in space, but this planet IS space. These kids have no idea what's going on. Ever. These kids drive me nuts. Example. (real example) ME: Ok guys, your project is on jazz. We've been talking about this for the last term, and all you need to do is put it on paper. Pick one jazz instrument and talk about it, how it works and it's parts, talk about the history of jazz, and put an analysis of a jazz piece in. Got it? KID1: so.... what do we have to do? ME: A project. Like a poster. All the information we've been doing, just write it up, and put in on a poster and make it pretty. KID2: So what information? ME: Information on jazz. Remember how we looked at the history and how it evolved? KID2: yeah. ME: So, put that in your poster. KID3: I don't get it. ME: Ok, maybe I'm not explaining this clearly. Part 1 - a jazz instrument. We looked at brass and woodwind. Pick one and put in a labelled picture and talk about how it works. ok? KIDS; yep. ME: part 2 - write about the history and the evolution of jazz. remember how it started? KIDS: blues ME: exactly. do that. part three - jazz song analysis. you've already done this, just write it up nicely and put it in. Full sentences instead of dot points. ok? clear? KID4: Ok, so I get that, but what do we write about jazz? ME: *hits head against wall repeatedly. but explains again. And again.* - Eventually the day came when they got handed in and I began to mark them. Some posters were great, had everything. Some left out the analysis, or didn't explain the history well. But I will never understand how I got a whole project on harps. 3 - Planet ADHD. I don't care if these kids never get diagnosed, I'm positive they have some form of it. They fidget non stop and get sidetracked all the time. They ask questions that confuse everyone, and eventually confuse themselves. The problem with this planet, is that I can be an inhabitant of this planet, so if I'm having a distracted day, these kids can put me on the craziest tangents, and I can find myself telling stories about how my hair fell in my coffee that morning, or my nephews or what the preps did that day. And I'll forget sentences halfway through. 4 - There is also planet A+. These kids make me nervous. They're the ones that spot my grammar mistakes, or point out how I've gone off topic, or tell me I'm being silly. They should probably be teaching the class... 5 - Planet 'let it go' These kids I don't know how to categorise. They can grip onto the smallest, randomest details and not be able to move on. Today I had grade ones. I read them a dr Seuss book about the alphabet beyond Z. There was a made up letter which one boy could not figure out how it worked. I explained it was just a silly made up letter for fun, but he wanted to know how it worked so badly. Then I had some grade ones continue a conversation from last week. Last week I tried correcting their calling me 'Mrs' and calling me 'Miss.' They assume all female teachers are Mrs, so I explained I'm just a Miss, and you're a Miss until you marry. They were super quiet for a few minutes before drilling me with questions. 'Why aren't you married?' 'Are you a kid?' 'Do you have kids?' 'Do you live with your mum and dad?' The art questions I began to put a stop to the questions... There's not point defending your decision to continue living with your parents so you can afford a house to 7 year olds. I eventually convinced them I was a Miss and that God was in charge of when I get married and we can all just relax, and I would get married one day if God allowed it. Today I had just settled them all down, when one little girl put up her hand. 'Are you married yet?' These kids are not great for my ego... So, I'm learning to laugh and just roll my eyes at these kids. Although, I might mention to my boyfriend that the grade ones think I should marry already.... Hm.